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frenchlass · Joined: 13 Nov 2006 Posts: 20 Location: france

Wise Old Sayings ?

"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet."
said by;- Rodney Dangerfield.

"You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is."
said by ;- Ellen DeGeners.

"Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac."
said by ;- George Carlin.

"I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?"
said by ;- Paul Merton.

"There is one thing I would break up over and that is if she caught me with another woman. I wouldn't stand for that."
said by ;- Steve Martin.

"I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own."
said by ;- Les Dawson.

"The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney..."
said by ;- Steven Wright.

"First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down."
said by ;- George Burns.

"The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with."
said by ;- Marty Feldman.

"We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture."
said by ;- Robin Williams.

"If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?"
said by ;- Steven Wright.

"For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off."
said by ;- Johnny Carson.

"Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.' "
said by ;- Charlie Brown.

"USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population."
said by ;- David Letterman.

"Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches."
said by ;- Jim Carrey.

"Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps."
said by ;- Emo Philips.

"If your parents never had children, chances are you won't either."
said by ;- Dick Cavett.

"I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets."
said by ;- Dave Edison.

"Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives." said by ;- Sue Murphy.

If you can't wake up with a smile on your face
in the morning,shove a coathanger in your mouth
at night.
said by ;- Derek Bates.

a clear conscience is usually the the sign of a bad memory.

age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

blessed is he that can laugh at himself, he will never cease to be amused.

whitedove · Joined: 18 Apr 2008 Posts: 62 Location: London

Excellent Frenchlass.. Got anymore?

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_________________
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity
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Blackbird · Joined: 17 Mar 2008 Posts: 119

LOL LOL LOL