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massetXA · Joined: 08 Dec 2006 Posts: 59 Location: USA

Kids Teacher

On the last day of kindergarten, all the children brought presents for their teacher.

The florist's son handed the teacher a gift.

She shook it, held it up and said "I bet I know what it is — it's some flowers!"

"That's right!" shouted the little boy.

Then the candy store owner's daughter handed the teacher a gift.

She held it up, shook it and said "I bet I know what it is — it's a box of candy!"

"That's right!" shouted the little girl.

The next gift was from the liquor store owner's son.

The teacher held it up and saw that it was leaking.

She touched a drop with her finger and tasted it.

"Is it wine?" she asked.

"No," the boy answered.

The teacher touched another drop to her tongue.

"Is it champagne?" she asked.

"No," the boy answered.

"What is it?"

"A puppy!"

New Brother or Sister

For weeks a five-year-old child kept telling his kindergarten teacher about the baby sister or brother that was expected at his house.

One day the mother allowed the child to feel the movements of the unborn baby.

The five-year-old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Moreover, he stopped telling the teacher about the awaiting event.

Finally the teacher sat the child on her lap and said, "Lucas, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?"

Lucas burst into tears and confessed, "I think Mommy ate it!"

Sitting On Grandpa's Lap

A little girl is sitting on her grandpa's lap and studying the wrinkles on his old face.

She gets up the nerve to rub her fingers over the wrinkles.

Then she touches her own face and looks more puzzled.

Finally the little girl asks, "Grandpa, did God make you?"

"He sure did honey, a long time ago," replies her grandpa.

"Well, did God make me?" asks the little girl.

"Yes, He did, and that wasn't too long ago," answers her grandpa.

"Boy," says the little girl, "He's sure doing a lot better job these days isn't he?"

Show And Tell

A kindergarten teacher gave her class a "show and tell" assignment.

Each student was instructed to bring in an object to share with the class that represented their religion.

The first student got up in front of the class and said, "My name is Benjamin and I am Jewish and this is a Star of David."

The second student got up in front of the class and said, "My name is Mary. I'm a Catholic and this is the Crucifix."

The third student got in up front of the class and said, "My name is Tommy and I am Baptist and this is a casserole."

Box of Tampons

Two little boys go into the grocery store.

One is nine, the other four.

The nine-year old grabs a box of tampons from the shelf and carries it to the register for check-out.

The cashier asks, "Oh, these must be for your Mom, huh.?"

The nine-year old shakes his head and replies, Nope, not for my Mom."

Cashier: "Well, they must be for your sister then?"

Nine-year old: "Nope, not for my sister either."

Cashier, curious now: "If they're not for your Mom and not for your sister, who are they for?"

The nine-year old says, "They're for my four-year old brother."

Surprised, the cashier asks, "Your little brother right here??"

Nine year old explains: "Well, yeah! They say on TV if you wear one of these you can swim or ride a bike, and my little brother can't do either!

Science Exam

Little Johnny had not studied for his life science exam.

The teacher in the one room school house was giving an oral exam.

"What are the four main advantages of breast milk?" she asked.

"No need to boil." called one student.

And another?" the teacher questioned.

"It never goes sour." said another child.

"Correct." said the teacher.

"It is available whenever is necessary." called out another.

"Johnny." she asked. "Do you have the last answer?"

"Sure," he said.

"It is available in attractive containers of varying sizes."

He got an "A".